Thursday, August 24, 2006
A Confession
Here's my confession: I am a people-pleaser, and this is not a good thing.
I care too much about what people think. I want people to like me. Not because I'm an ego-maniac and not because I think "everything is about me." More likely it's because I'm not sure I always like myself -- or at least I'm unsure of who I really am, and so I seek the approval of others.
One of the things that I've had to deal with as a public-figure-on-a-very-small-scale, is that there will always be people that don't like you. And so, one of the things I've been consciously working on, is growing a thicker skin. I'm not sure that I really know how to do this, but I think it comes from having a more disciplined mind, and by filling my mind with the idea that at the end of the day, I'm God's kid, and I'm still growing up.
What kills me, and here's what started this post, is that the thing that drives me crazy is when I don't know where I stand with people -- when it's not clear whether they are friend or foe. I'm not sure how to deal with this one.
Anyway, just felt the need to get this off my chest.
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3 comments:
Forgot to say...
Here's a quote from a book that I'm reading that inspired (among other things) this post:
"grace is having a commitment to -- or at least an acceptance of -- being ineffective and foolish. ...our bottled charm is the main roadblock to drinking that clear cool glass of love."
I think I used to struggle with this also. Back in my fraternity days at good 'ole Bradley U., it was all about image, popularity, acceptance, etc. But since my relationship with God has become more intimate and I've started to live an authentic lifestyle, that need for approval from others has subsided. I'm just happier being me because I think I'm who God wants me to be. If others don't like me for that, then they can talk to "The Big Guy Upstairs."
p.s. do you like me? yes, no (circle one)
You are not alone Charlie! I think everyone struggles with this in one way or another. It's important for us to recognize the need for approval in ourselves and one another and help each other stay focused on God's opinion of us. I am still figuring out how to let go of other's opinions of me and let God's love fill that gap. His love means so much more when I am able to do that. I wish there was a magic formula for making it happen, but for now, I guess we'll just have to keep working at it!
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