The meandering thoughts of Charlie Dean
How did your dad form you?
How did your dad fail to form you, and you wish he had?
Great question.I greatly admire the relationship you have with your boys.The relationship with my dad was much the same as a kid. He had me playing out in the woods before I could walk, wrestled with me, played catch, let me "help" him build stuff, etc. But his father was a tough guy, through and through. He was in the Army in Korea, a bounty hunter in Florida, etc. So as I got older, it's been much more of a hand shake relationship. We spend a lot of time together on hunting trips now, but that's about it. There are just some things that I don't know how to talk about with him.
eyMy parents divorced when I was 4. I saw my dad every other holiday, and an occasional weekend. My sisters and i would have to fly by ourselves to go visit him. Then when he moved closer the car rides were always awkward. Quality time was more like obligated time. I never felt like a daughter, just a responsibility. Even today I'm more of a equal then a daughter due to the fact that I'm always trying to keep him financially responsible. Long story short, I know my involvement or lack thereof with my father has lead me down some paths I didn't want to go..but I know how I want my husband to be with my kids...like you are with your boys.
i had a great relationship with my dad growing up. i still do! i attribute that to him treating me with respect and trust. he could have been very strict with me, but he chose to trust me. i can remember talking to other policeman's kids and thier dad's were horribly strict. i didn't even have a curfew! i just needed to let him know where i was and with who. i think the fact that he gave me that trust upfront encouraged me to work hard to keep it. to be a good girl, haha! Showing me that respect is earned not given based on position or class, is one huge lesson he has repeated to me my whole life. that has enabled me to be confident in what i believe and have the guts to talk to who i need to get things done.also complimenting my integrity and encouraging me when things get iffy or go bad to "maintain your integrity, Beth." Just in the past few years have i really beagan to realize how incredibly blessed i am to have the parents i have. i believe your boys will say the same thing about you and Jen.
My dad is a good guy. Coach, father, counselor, he has done a lot for me.However, maybe because my parents divorced, or maybe because I was the last of the children, there was never much emphasis on motivation. I was never pushed, punished, or really even challenged to do much of anything.My challenge to you: Push #4 as much as you push #1. Never stop challenging, pushing, loving, questioning any of your children. It will pay off in future motivation of your boys!
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