Thursday, September 22, 2005

Pastoral Guilt

There are days that I feel guilty for being a pastor -- that it's my JOB to read books, study, find time for solace, meet people for coffee, breakfast or lunch, pray, fast, reflect... Sometimes, when my friends ask me what I did in a day, I'm embarassed because I feel like what I did that do is so insignificant compared to what they do. I know that I'm supposed to tell myself that what I'm doing is of eternal importance, but a lot of days it feels a little lame, a little selfish, like I'm not worthy of the paycheck I receive. I guess that's the tough dynamic. My friends pay my salary...and I feel like I'm not productive enough... sorry...just needed to be real for a moment...did I mention that I'm feeling a little melancholoy today?

4 comments:

Eric T. said...

Don't feel guilty... You give us a talk every week. It evens out in the end.

Yeah, so you sit around Panera listening to music for work... But "teachers will be judged twice as hard."

So, let that comfort you next time you "reflect."

david rudd said...

i get really frustrated when people say things like "my friends pay my salary"...

take it a step deeper, chuck. when they put that money in the plate/box, they are acknowledging that it is not theirs but Gods. they are relinquishing control of that money, but symbolically relinquishing control of all their life; and just like a portion of that money goes to you, a portion of guidance for them (as they give up control) is your responsibility...

dude, (can't believe i just typed dude) you are getting blessed by their act of worship.!

yeah, i often have the same feelings of inadequacy, unimportance, etc... but that's the dark side whispering to us.

ckd said...

Thanks Dave! I'm sure that my friends see the foolishness of my line of thought and I know they love me and aren't judging me. I don't really believe that "my friend pay my salary." My friends are waaaay past the small church mentality where "the pastor works for us." My friends are incredibly generous!

You're right...it is the enemy whispering...but often times the whispers are more than a whisper. And the listener (me) is more receptive than he ought to be!

Like I said...it's a melancholoy kind of day.

david rudd said...

is it raining there too?